Shenanigans With TSK -- Tall Skinny Kid

Memorial Day Memoirs

John Meyers — Wed, 02 Jun 2010 01:32:27 GMT

It's been quite some time since I last reported on bike racing on this here bike racing blog. Life has been busy, but good.

This weekend I did what I've been doing for the past 5 years or so and raced the Memorial Day bike races out in IA. What a great series--a nice long Friday warm-up Burlington Road Race, Snake Alley, Melon City and Quad Cities "Cage Match" criteriums. This year was a different approach--going in I knew I was going to be a helper bee and not a winner bee (not that I've ever won any of these races, hah), and that helped me keep my head on straight when I finished near the bottom of the pack each day. In the past I'd have destroyed myself in an effort to finish top 20--if for nothing other than the decent payout at the end of the day. As a Cat 3 this was a well paying weekend...in the P/1/2 fields you have to be firing on all cylinders to pull a result, and that's with maybe a bit of good luck. That's what I love about these races, man. I get older, and they stay just as tough. (Insert Dazed and Confused reference here: "That's what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the saaaaaaame age." )

Anyhow, here is how the weekend unfolded:

Friday started out as usual, fast, but easy. Getting sucked along during that road race by the draft means just about anyone who knows how to pedal and remembers to drink in the heat can be around for the finish. However, only 3 dudes were in contention for the vee at the end--and fortunately, my teammate Will "I can bridge a 3 minute gap in 3 minutes or less" Nowak got across to the winning break and nabbed 3rd. A super solid result. Back in the field was a dramatic implosion by the Roadhouse train trying to pull the break back, followed by the typical chaotic field sprint. I thought it was pretty funny just how chippy people were getting at the end of that race. We were bumping bars a solid 15 miles from the finish jockeying for position. It never stopped. I'm pretty sure one of the Kenda Pro riders who's name is near mine in the results could have benefited from a (large) dose of barbituates or quaaludes or benzos, or maybe he just wasn't hugged enough as a child--but what do I know. Anyhow, we kept Mike out of the wind and banged bars and elbows until about 1k to go when I got to the front WAY TOO EARLY and did a pretty crappy wind-up to catch an ISCorp rider just off the front. I made it another 200M after bringing him back to the fold before I blew and left Danny and Mike to finish the job. Mike definitely did finish the job and narrowly missed winning the field sprint by one spot. 3rd and 5th is a solid start!

Saturday: This race is crazy, and usually only 20-25 of the 100 starters finish. I knew I was not one of the 25 strongest guys in the midwest and refrained from racing. Instead, I sprayed the guys with water and watched the sufferfest. I saw guys going deep in the pain cave--and these were guys that definitely were in better shape than I was. Definitely a good decision not to duke it out. It was a tough race for all the guys--Will spent the better part of the Road Race in the break the day before and only had a 23 to race with, Mike didn't have his 202's, Ryan weighs approximately 350 lbs, and Danny and Waylon were doing the race for the first time. The hill was as steep as ever, and the clusterfsck at the base of the climb seemed as intense as ever. Still, a few money spots were nabbed, and despite the suffering, I think all souls involved will be back next year.

This is why I didn't race the snake.

Sunday was surprisingly easy--all the fastest dudes in the race, including heir Freund got in the break and rolled away midway through. It sounds like everyone in the break forgot that Marcotte won the last two, three, or six editions (I forget) of the race, and no one but Freund were willing to light it up and attack him at the end of the race. Guess who won? Marcotte. They probably just pre-write the winners check with his name on it. I was in the hunt for the last few money spots if things went right, but they didn't, and I ended up grabbing two fistfulls of brake in the bunch sprint when a leadout man went backwards in front of me. Despite someone running into me from behind I managed to a) avoid being sodomized, b) avoid eating poo, and c) not break anything on my bike. In my book, that is as good as the $50 I might have won anyways.

Heir 350lb Freund, and if you have good eyes, Danny and I.

Monday:
Ho geez, was it just me or did this race start fast? Normally I can move right up to the front at the beginning of races, pretend like I know what I'm doing, and then fade to the back as the real racing starts. But not here. Seemed like the dudes coming out of turn 6 were just THROTTTLING (yes, with three T's) the pace every time into that headwind. I did eventually see the front of the race by pulling a few Ryan "Cleaver" Knapp chops. Greg Christian made a move after the last sprint that was looking good, and Will and I were in it, but it was swallowed up in mighty short order when man #2 in line (Dahmoff?) didn't pull through. Not like I was going to be powering the poop out of that break anyways. Oh well. I never saw the front after that brief effort. 350 lb Freund made a brave move at the end but was sucked up by the train(s). Without a train like the other teams, Mike was left fighting for scraps in a tight and treacherous crit and finished in the money to win a few bucks with Freund.

In other news: Verizon U25 P/B ABD is the best team I've ever ridden for. Great bunch of guys, and weekends are not only fun, but well organized. Shit gets done, bikes are raced, and we don't cry into our beer every day we don't win. Heck yea. All these years I spent being pissed off and angry after bike races when I should have been having fun. I thank everything holy that I kissed Ebert's ass enough last year that he kept me on the team and I didn't leave bike racing with a bitter taste in my mouth.

OK, that's all. Peace.

Mental Health in Medicine.

John Meyers — Tue, 20 Apr 2010 23:32:56 GMT

Normally I leave this blog to light hearted topics of bike racing and other silly bullshit. Today I had an experience at a clinic, and I want to vent about it. Luckily, I have this little outlet for just that.

Mental health is under represented in medical education. I watched two 4th year medical students and an MD "treat" a bipolar schizophrenic heroin addict looking for help with detox today. After worthless exhaustive interviewing, he realized that we could do nothing to help him, so he left, irritated. After he left, his irritation was written off as "paranoid/schizoid behavior".

I agreed with the poor man's stance: why should we (the doctor) get paid by the government (medicaid) to do nothing for him? Why was he not sent to the detox program from the beginning? Why did we bring up painful memories of the deaths of all of his loved ones so we could just send him on his merry way?

His view (and my accompanying view) was not popular in the clinic.

"There are procedures we have to follow"
-"Why"
"We don't want to be sued"

Do you really think this homeless heroin addict has a lawyer? Or, are you making sure you have enough shite in your notes to have a billable encounter?

Even more frustrating is the fact that I sat there watching it all, despite knowing immediately that we were not a facility for detox. While watching the man twitch and writhe in the misery of withdrawl ... I should have interjected and said, "We can not help, we are worthless medical students just hoping to hear S1 and S2 (Bike racers: S1/2 = heart sounds). Leave for the detox program now."

Frustrating. Just because some MD diagnosed him as schizophrenic, or because he uses heroin, does not mean we should just write him off. The man knew the year he first started smoking, the date he used heroin first, the names of and dosages of all the (medical) drugs he was on. Shit, if half the patients I interact with remember the names of ANY of their medications, I'm happy. Usually it's just "the purple one". He knew specifically what each of his parents died from. He was as intellectual (or more) than anyone I've ever interacted with, but because he had the title "schizophrenic heroin user" he was immediately written off.

It's these people that need the most help. If you can dramatically improve the lives of the very bottom of society, it has a greater effect than say, slightly improving the lives in the middle. If you help this man with his addiction--maybe he won't rob your Mom on the way to grocery store. Maybe he'll convince his buddy to get clean too.

I think this man's problems were more important than the man before him--who had acid reflux from eating like shit, and wanted a prescription for Cialis. And yet, the man before him got way better care.

WTF Mate?

Ok, done venting.

Hillsboro this weekend.

John Meyers — Thu, 08 Apr 2010 00:47:10 GMT

Hillsboro this weekend. 87 miles of pain.

Yessss....

First time I've ever seen a P/1/2 race fill up this early in the season. This usually only ever happens at big cash/prestige events--Elk Grove, Downers ProAm.

It's like that one time I sold tickets to my bedroom. 125 brazilian super-models lined up with their $50 in hand to get a piece of the prize. I made an exception and increased the field size though.

Been a while.

John Meyers — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 01:24:20 GMT

So, it's been a while. Medical School is fun, lots of work, but fun. Chicago is getting better, but the riding still sucks. I plan to do some research this summer to... FUND MY TRIP TO FRANCE IN JULY.

Only one thing going on in France in July that is worth sitting in an economy airline seat for hours and hours and hours... I'll let you all ponder what that could be. I will say, I already have at least one plan for getting my scrawny self on Versus. I'm going to try real hard to get on TV without being "That Guy". But if push comes to shove and I have to run across the Champs Elysee naked with yellow streamers in my hair and a picture of Lance tattooed on my ass.. I will do it.

Meanwhile, I'm sloooowly dragging myself back into shape. In two weeks I'll be in Bloomington. To all the people who I used to pummel at the early season races and rides: here is your chance. Pretty much everyone of you Cat 1/2 guys that I used to half wheel to death could drop me in my current form.

So, bring it. It's payback time...for you.

Word.

John Meyers — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 02:23:25 GMT

Attending medical school in Chicago sucks for bike riding. It ain't so good for my social life either.

That's all I have to say about that.

Word.

10 Speedin'

John Meyers — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 16:23:20 GMT

Whoa. I�m back.

In the past ten days or so, I�ve effectively doubled the amount of racing I�ve had all year. It�s pretty wild being able to say that at the end of July. Not racing collegiate and breaking a collarbone in June will do that to you. It�s interesting watching some guys start to fizzle just as I�m starting to get back into shape.

Stupor Week:
Speaking of getting back into shape: doing it at Superweek is rough. I usually show up to the collegiate scene in good but not great shape. At the collegiate scene I�d typically be near the top end of the field, and ride my way to fitness while putting others in the hurtbox. Showing up at Superweek without good fitness was a different story�it was an exercise in perseverance for sure. For �warmup� (and my first race back) I did the Bloomington crit (the Indiana State Championship, no less). I was able to ride my bike to the course as warm-up, and have a pint (or several) at the finish line pub post-race. Cool. The race was surprisingly hard, and the pace never let up for more than a � lap. Nuvo had a bajillion guys, and took the win. I was actually thinking about pulling the plug with 1 lap to go�didn�t want to get argy bargy in a bunch sprint�but I finished it out anyway. I was one bombed corner from the top ten, so I jumped in line and sprinted to 8th. For a local crit it�s nothing to brag about, but considering it was my first race back, I was OK with things. There are some pretty hilarious pictures of me from that race looking like I was suffering pretty badly. Based on the photos, you�d think I just rode Alpe D�Huez twelve times or some such. I won�t link to the specific ones as I can�t stand the shame and embarrassment ;). However, here is one from the start where I only look moderately wanktastic:

I love Isaac�s tongue. Hahaha.

Then I went up to race anonymously at Superweek. I spent very little time at the front. I quickly found that I didn�t quite have the fitness to be racing at the very very front, and the 20th-40th positions were dicey. Breaking my collarbone has turned me into a huge wusse. It�s pretty hilarious being at the back of these races. People are so chill. �Take the wheel, it�s all yours bro� If I heard that in the first 10% of the field, I�d probably be in bed� dreaming. Anyways, I raced Whitnall Park (fun, tough), Cedarburg (sketchy at beginning, tough), Racine (wicked tough), Kenosha (fun, rainy), and Downer Ave (mega-fun).

The only race where I really didn�t have the juice was Racine. Just felt like shite the whole race and got gapped off one too many times. I�d typically race until there were just a few laps left and then pull the plug�I�m not going to win a bunch kick at Superweek when I�m in good shape and I�m certainly not going to win one when I�m in poor shape. On top of that, the spot I�d be able to ride myself into (15th-30th wheel) is the most sketchtacular place to be. With not enough fitness to muscle my way further up I chose to save my collarbone for something else.

Downer Ave was crazy! I don�t usually dig the Garrison brothers� work, but Downer was a different story. Freaking Blue Angel jets buzzing us mid-race? Wow, that was sweet. My whole chest reverberated with the noise. I couldn�t even hear the crowd anymore. Cool! I�m a pretty jaded crit rat, as I�ve been to a decent number of races, but I�ve never gotten the willies like I did at Downer Ave. Super Prime was a bust, but I wasn�t going to win that anyways.

So, all said and done, Superweek was a good way for me to get some racing in. The races had less attendance, but the fields had better riders. The races were generally better run, but the prizes were less and the entry fees were more (extra charge for writing a check? WTF?). Another few years and a healthy economy and perhaps the Garrisons will be able to get their shite together 100%.

Chicago Crit:
Not much to say about this other than the fact that Chris Horner probably was bored and scared out of his mind the whole race. It was easy, and slow. That meant that there were about 170 guys (of ~180 starters) who were fresh for the sprint. Yikes. I was glad to chill out, and avoid the last lap mayhem. Poor Adam Bergman looked like he ate it pretty hard on the last lap. Hope he�s OK. My teammate also had a date with the pavement, but turned out to be OK.

Great venue, but boring race.

A Rant:
Lastly:
I must say that this year my perspective on racing has changed a lot. The focus is no longer on being a P-R-O, it�s on having fun while racing my bike. Since, I�ve started to see a lot of things that I never noticed before about the typical ego-maniacal face-smashing Cat 1 bike-bum. The worst part about this perspective change is that I realized that I used to resemble some of what I�m about to describe. For all you face-smashers out there:

News Flash: If you are racing as an amateur in the US, you just aren�t that goddamn good. You are likely an order of magnitude shittier than a so-so Pro Tour rider. On top of that, our sport has almost no following in the U.S. In other words, unless you are Lance Armstrong, no one cares.

Due to the fact that no one cares, the sport is propped up by a variety of wealthy people with interest in the sport. When the economy turns sour, those people just can�t support every D-Bag Cat 1 bike-bum.

Seriously. You don�t �deserve� to have your entry fee, gas, hotel, clothes, and bike paid for just because you win 3 races a year that no one pays attention to. If you are lucky enough to be on a team that supports you at all, be appreciative. Lose the ego. I hear amateurs complaining about how they can�t make any money racing their bike because their winnings go back to paying their next entry fee. *Ring Ring* Clue Phone: You are an amateur. There are �Professionals� in this sport that don�t even get paid. Show some damn appreciation. You just aren�t that good.

There are less and less people able to prop up this sport every day. I bet if they heard the sense of entitlement that I hear, they�d leave the sport in a heartbeat.

Bike-Bums Everywhere: Thank your sponsors. Ditch the entitlement. Accept what is given to you with grace and appreciation. That is all.

Triathlons, an about face:

John Meyers — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 13:16:35 GMT

I'm sitting here, finally back in the good 'ol state of IN (I'll get to story time later) and I couldn't help but chuckle.

I had some reading to do upon my return, and cruised to Dr. K's blog, and was reading about his Triathletic views. I too find triathletes to be a funny bunch. There is only one that I can think of that isn't a total wackjob. Anyhow, to the point. I was perusing SlowTwitch (a dirty dirty sin no doubt) and I was laughing at this photo's caption:

What the eff? You think a Tour de France pro would be caught dead doing a 4.25 hour Time Trial? Alone? You have some learning to do about bike racers. Besides, Greg Christian could probably do that with one leg, and he's just a lowly amateur Cat 1.

Then I had an about face as I flipped through the images:

Let's face it, any man who trades his child for beer has got to be one BAMF. I bet that dude crushes dreams like no other.

Seriously, anyone who can neglect their child for 30 hours a week of training, and then trade him for beer has got to be one HC kind of guy. Hopefully he won enough to pay for his son's psychiatric treatment till the age of 30.

That photo has permanently changed my view of triathletes. They aren't self absorbed wankers, they are Dream Crushing BAMF's.

The Search for TSK Continues...

John Meyers — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 19:49:05 GMT

Ah yes... So what is going on with John Meyers?

He never updates his blog, hasn't been seen at the bike races, and is whispered to have gone insane--apparently he only talks in third person now. Perhaps he has gone the way of Tommy "Blow" Boonen, or worse... Marco "Elefantino" Pantani. He's probably laying dead at the Muscatine Motel 6 after snorting one-too-many-lines off a wrinkly hookers bosom. Poor John "Pinnochio" Meyers, that big shnoz of his was inevitably his undoing... so sad. Tragic really.

...

Alas, if only my recent life could be storied with escapades of bosoms and blow. Let's face the truth. No one has a bike racing blog where they get excited about posting about how slow they've been riding, how little they've been racing, and how many bones they've broken recently. That's fscking depressing.

To sum things up where I left off: I raced Joe Martin. Got a 6th and a 10th in the 1/2's road races (which were more like Cat 3 races because any real firepower raced with P/1's). Then, a few days after feeling and riding like trash at the Memorial Day Races, I broke my collarbone on a group training "race". A week later, I went ahead with the surgery, a la Mr. Armstrong. The cool pictures:

Exhibit A: Broken Stuff

Exhibit B: Titanium Stuff

I've been relatively lucky to not have broken any bones prior to this, and frankly, I think the experience was a good one for someone who has interest in becoming an orthopedic surgeon. However, life is all about timing. I broke my collarbone two days before my final day at work--I had put in my two weeks so I could...race my bike all summer long.

Too bad, so sad.

The good news is that I've been able to ride (Indoors in 5 days, outdoors in 10 after surgery), and despite what my doctor told me to do, I even raced this weekend...at a time trial. Don't look for results, I went slow. That's all that needs to be said.

Anyhow, in about 3 weeks I should be able to take part in a mass start race, and life will be grand.

That's all for now.

Mmmm bike racing.

John Meyers — Mon, 04 May 2009 11:59:59 GMT

Tour of St. Louis:
I'll tell ya, I really like these little races that make you feel like "the real deal". Tour of St. Louis had a Crit, Time trial, and Circuit race. The TT (and corresponding omnium prizes) really makes the weekend a bit more fun and helps to add another element to the racing. The weekend went something like this:

Crit:
This was an oddly tactical race. We were never really going that hard, but groups started to go up the road, have a decent gap, and stay out there. Most races it seems that everyone has to have half a lung spasming on their top tube before the break finally goes. Not here; Jeff went up the road with 5 others in a strange, not-that-fast move. Soon after, I bridged to a not-that-fast chase group and sat on. I kept getting yelled at for not working, but hey: I have faith in Jeff being able to win out of the move up the road. Dragging up 6 more dudes doesn't help our situation.

Due to the general slowness of the field, Jeff's move lapped the field. My chase group got tired of me sitting on, and went slower and slower until the field caught us. Groupo compacto. Now it is time to make sure Jeff can win.

Sidenote: It's also really freaking hot. At one point I turned around and saw only 20 dudes left. We started with twice that.

Anyhow, we make it to the last lap, and Mercy puts a couple dudes on the front to try and bring their up-a-lap man to the finish. It's Mercy, Mercy, Mercy, Me, Jeff, and everyone else. With 1/4 lap to go, I jump the Mercy train with Jeff in tow. Just enough room for Jeff in the gutter--the crosswind is strong. I drill it, take the corner hard, hear Jeff scream "Go outside" and as I'm packing up, Jeff flies around me with 150m to go for the Vee. Nice. I look back and the pack is splintered. I get back on the gas, and ended up in the top non-lapping spot in the field as well. A good start to the omnium.

TT:
A TT is usually just a TT. Go hard. Suffer. Feel ill. Hate life. The usual. This TT wasn't too different except for the ENORMOUS cross tailwind on the way out, and corresponding headwind on the way in. I spent some legit time in the 55 x 11, smashing it, just flying. Course was perfectly flat, smooth, awesome. Nice turnaround too. We had a cul-de-sac, not a knocked over cone.

I grabbed the vee there, and Jeff got 3rd. Good shape for the omnium. Oh, and I got $110 for winning the TT. That's probably the biggest pay-out for a Time Trial in the history of American bike racing.

Circuit Race:
Jeff once again proved that being able to read races is just as important as having the legs to win them. Jeff was in the hotseat, 1st in the omnium. I was in second. The plan was that I would not work any moves without Jeff. Each move I got in ended up dying--the unfortunate psychology of bike racing. It didn't matter though, Jeff bridged to two, I played shut 'er down, and he ended up with the vee, again. I got in a last lap move and took the "field sprint" for fourth. Not bad.

So, all said and done, ABD went 1-2 in the omnium, and won every event.

Sweet.

I'll be back next year.

Vernon Hills GP:
I also did a little race up in Chicago-land. It went something like this:

Follow a move, watch one committed fellow take a half decent pull. 2nd in line takes two pedal strokes, and then wildly flicks his elbow. Third in line, the same. Then everyone looks at the ABD rider (me, or my teammates) to drag the break around. To all the Chicagoans: We don't need to drag you around to get in moves. If you want to be in a break, don't expect a) someone else to do the work for you and b) it to not hurt. That�s how breakaways work: they hurt.

Anyhow, the plan for the day was for Ryan to win anyways, and since every time I so much as let out a toot, everyone wanted a whiff of it... Ryan ended up the road with Brian Dziewa. I followed the chase groups as they formed, but it seemed everyone expected me to chase down my own guy. Not going to happen.

After covering Scott Pearson's 3rd attack I decided that I wouldn't cover the next one. Ebert was on him like white on rice, and thus the remainder of the money spots were up the road.

Ryan smoked Dziewa and took the Vee. Ebert nabbed fourth, and I won the field sprint after watching some dudes get argy-bargy and try and kill Seth Meyer. Seth wisely took the straight line through the turn and watched Mr. argy-bargy eat shit. Seth has broken enough ribs this year, he need not break more.

Now off to Joe Martin. My fitness isn't where I'd like it to be, but that's OK. Joe Martin will serve as a springboard for the rest of the year: about to quit my job and play bike racer. One last hurrah before med school. I'm excited.

See y�all at dem bike races.

First person to...

John Meyers — Sun, 19 Apr 2009 21:58:50 GMT

First person to figure out and show me how to fix that